5. Silver Surfer
OK, this one is going to seem trendy because of the movie, but I had a Silver Surfer action figure way back in college. His appeal is unquestionable: a big silver hunk of man on a surfboard, a perfect combination of intensity and laid-back surfer chic, kind of like Owen Wilson.
This guy will save your life, then take you for a fish taco on the boardwalk.
4. James Barris
Confession: I have an enormous crush on Robert Downey Jr. So when he showed up in A Scanner Darkly, my crush naturally transferred to his new avatar.
Barris is classic RDJ. Although Downey is a brilliant actor, he never seems so comfortable in a role than when he is playing a druggie. His magic — and I choose to believe this also holds true in real life — is that he can make even the biggest fuck-up irresistibly charming. Even though I'm a longtime member of the Keanu fan club, RDJ stole the scene here, as he always does.
3. Aladdin
All you have to do is scroll down this list of Disney princes, and see that the role of Mr. Charming was historically lacking in hotness — a bunch of middle-aged looking WASPs who usually arrive in the last few minutes of the film to sing a song and sweep the damsel away on a horse. Well, that all changed with Aladdin. He's a homeless guy with a bangin' bod, a great personality, a hilarious buddy and a cool pet.
I love how his scrappy bravura cracks to show a vulnerable side once he assumes his alter-ego of Prince Ali. Let me tell you, chicks dig this type of thing. We were all there swooning with those ladies as he paraded through town on an elephant, knowing that his confidence was concealing a secret shyness.
2. Rio Pacheco
Rio from Jem and the Holograms is one of those guys you like even though you know that he's kind of an asshole. He started out as a good guy, a volunteer at the foster home and Jerrica's boyfriend. But he developed a crush on Jem (Jerrica's rockstar alter-ego) and the show ended on a cliffhanger with Rio double-timing two girls who are the same person! This is undoubtedly one of the great unsolved endings in television — this whole Sopranos thing pales in comparison!
The truth is, Rio's bad side is what makes him sexy: the lying, the deceit, the secrecy. And yet he can be a real sweetie when he wants to. I mean, if Jerrica really trusted him then wouldn't she tell him her identity? Perhaps with a guy like this you need to have your own secrets.
1. Trent Lane
Absolutely the most crushable cartoon fella out there; even the ever-cynical Daria couldn't help but blush a little when Trent was around. Trent's rock star slacker attitude was peppered by a hint of zen calmness, his soft raspy voice delivering the type of inane truisms that only truly attractive people can get away with.
Finally, his slight slouch suggested a world weariness — a wiseness, dare I say? — that perfectly defines a classic childhood crush: your friend's older brother.
Jacki Lewin is an American living in Madrid, Spain. She blogs at 7 Years Late.
See also:
Lost 'Horrors' Ending Found on YouTube
5 Freaky Muppet Videos
Six Freakiest Children's TV Rock Bands
The Cartoon Porn Shop Janitor: Carol Burnett vs. Family Guy